Putting Things into Perspective

Today my husband is attending the funeral of one of his friends and he is having a tough time with it, as any of us probably would. Three months ago, this man was diagnosed with lung cancer...a result of a lifetime of smoking. About 4 weeks ago, he came to see Nelson...they cut up and visited and caught up on life...he was thinner than Nelson remembered but he was doing well. They made plans for Nelson to come work at his house again to do the electrical on the addition he was building. Two weeks later, a mutual friend came in to tell Nelson that his friend was in ICU and in a coma and not expected to make it thru the night. They had removed all life support. Last week, he passed away.

What's the perspective? First of all, time is short and there are no guarantees on tomorrow. If amends need to be made, make them. If forgiveness needs to be given, give it....or ask for it. If bridges need to be repaired, repair them. If you need to tell someone you love them, do it. You don't know if you will have another opportunity to take care of business. Secondly, this has been a tough year for us in so many many areas including financial and I was worrying about having money not only to pay bills, but didn't know how we were going to buy any Christmas gifts for the kids. I couldn't bear the thought of my child being disappointed. I thought this was going to be the worst Christmas ever and depression and hopelessness seemed to overwhelm me once again. But when the news of this friend came to us, it put some things into perspective. I can only imagine how tragic this Christmas is for this man's family. A handful of days before Christmas and they are burying their loved one. This man never dreamed a few weeks ago that he would not be here on this earth to spend Christmas with his family. You know, we have so much to be thankful for....our health, our family, our friends, our church and most important, a relationship with our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ. Christmas has lost its true meaning for so many of us, even Christians....the focus is on the gifts we receive and the gifts we give. But we "I" need to remember the real meaning of Christmas and fall on my knees before my Christ and give Him all the Glory and Honor that He so deserves.

Whisper Above the Roar

I wanted to pass this along...

When the house lights dimmed and the concert was about to begin..a mother returned to her seat and discovered that her child was missing. Suddenly, the curtains parted and spotlights focused on the impressive Steinway on stage. To her horror, the mother saw her little boy sitting at the keyboard, innocently picking out 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.' At that moment, the great piano master made his entrance, quickly moved to the piano, and whispered in the boy's ear, 'Don't quit . . Keep playing.' Then, leaning over, Paderewski reached down with his left hand and began filling in a bass part. Soon his right arm reached around to the other side of the child, and he added a running obbligato. Together, the old master and the young novice transformed what could have been a frightening situation into a wonderfully creative experience. The audience was so mesmerized that they couldn't recall what else the great master played. Only the classic, 'Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star.'

Perhaps that's the way it is with God. What we can accomplish on our own is hardly noteworthy. We try our best, but the results aren't always graceful flowing music. However, with the Hand of the Master, our life's work can truly be beautiful. The next time you set out to accomplish great feats, listen carefully. You too may hear the voice of the Master, whispering in your ear.

The Music Within

So...lately, I've been searching for the music...I know its still in there somewhere. What do I mean? Well, music has always been a huge part of my life and who I am, especially on the inside. I know I'm not the greatest talent out there by a long shot, but the music God gives you on the inside and what He calls you to do with it is not based on being the best talent out there. He just says, what are you going to do with the talent I gave you? Is it annointed? Are you glorifying my Name with it? Is it worship unto Me?

Most people don't know that I have been singing in church in front of people since I was 3 years old. I remember they used to stand me up on top of the altar so people could see me and put a microphone in front of me and I simply did what came naturally and that was sing. I sang in competitions, in plays, you name it. At age 13 I was chosen to be part of a group of 12 teenagers from around the state and we traveled almost every weekend holding services. I did that until I graduated high school and then I did it in college. I've sung in about every size church from tiny little country churches to the big mega churches all over the country and even at the P.H. church General Convention in front of 10,000+ people. As a teenager, several specific prophecies had been given over me concerning music ministry. My first year in college I majored in music and had some of the best professors and vocal instructors that exist. I began writing music (that was partly because it was required for some of my classes) but then it began coming from within me and I didn't even know it had been there. I played piano and tried to learn to play guitar. After the first year, I changed my major and schools because my dad told me I wasn't good enough and what in the world was I going to do with a music degree, that I had no future. I think thats when the music began to die. I was never good enough. And so my focus shifted and changed. I say all of that to say this...my focus shifted off of what God had instilled in me. The music inside of me came from Him. Its still there...I get glimpses of it once in awhile. Now I am searching for it once again....not because I think of performing or anything, but because its who I am. And if its only to worship Him in private, then thats what I'm going to do. I want to begin playing again but its like starting over. I know the music is still in there and one of these days its going to come out again in the form of new songs...I can feel it...

"Hope for Haiti" 24 hours at Lake Hefner!

There are several young people who are my new heros! One specific young lady, Brielle, whom God spoke to in a vision to help raise money for Mission of Hope in Haiti to feed thousands of people. Haiti is already a very poor country, but they were recently devastated by 4 hurricanes. You can see more by going to http://www.missionofhopehaiti.org/ to see what they are doing to help the people of Haiti and also how you can give to this worthy cause. Or see Brielle about giving.

This past Wednesday night, we began riding bikes (and some walking and roller blading), for 24 hours on the 9+ mile trails around Lake Hefner. The event went from 6 pm Wednesday to 6 pm Thursday! And trust me, the night hours were in extremely bitter cold temps with the wind coming off the water. Brrrrr!!! We froze! Brielle accomplished riding her bike over 100 miles during this 24 hour time period! What an awesome experience. There were many others who came for various times to ride and some who endured thru the night as well. We kept the hot chocolate and coffee going...um, there is no heat and no running water out there! So, yeh, stinky nasty portapotties....nuf said....lots of hand sanitizer! It was an experience none of us will ever forget and plans are already being made for next year....this might become an annual event! (but I don't think we'll do it thru the night again...just go for maybe 12 hours). Regardless to say, it was a huge success and an amazing 24 hour ride!!!

I Never Lost My Praise!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ioDkHjXtbg

"I Never Lost My Praise"

I've lost some good friends along life's way
Some loved ones departed in heaven to stay
But thank God I didn't lose everything

I've lost faith in people who said they cared
In time of my crisis they were never there
But in my disappointment, in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed

I never lost my hope, I never lost my joy
I never lost my faith
But most of all, I never lost my praise

My praise still here,
My praise still here

I've let some blessings slip away
When I lost my focus and went astray
But thank God I didn't lose everything

I lost possessions that were so dear
I lost some battles walking in fear
But in the midst of my struggles, in my season of pain
One thing never wavered, one thing never changed

I never lost my hope, I never lost my joy
I never lost my faith
But most of all, I never lost my praise

Praise, Praise, Praise, Praise, Praise

Most of all, I never lost my praise
My praise still here,
My praise still here

***********
The enemy can try and has tried to take a lot of things from me. He's tried to destroy everything in my life, but he will never, never, never take my praise.

Remembering my beautiful mom today....

Today I am celebrating the life of my mom, Eiko Miyayama Petrausch. Yes, she was Japanese and married a German man. He was in the Army and met her when he was stationed in Japan. Anyway, 10 years ago today, she went home to be with Jesus after a year long battle with cancer. I don't want to dwell on the sadness or the tragedy, but I want to remember all the incredible things that made up who she was. First of all, she was an incredible woman of God that had such strong, unwavering faith. Her foremost prayers were that her family would give their hearts to Christ and live an abundant life in Him. I remember sitting with her in the hospital room when she could no longer communicate and we didn't know if she was really there or not....but I would read the Word of God out loud to her and all of a sudden her eyes would become clear, she would focus her gaze on me and you could tell that she was hanging on every word. The same thing would happen whenever the Christian TV station was on and we would listen to worship music. Also, she was an amazing cook! She was known for it everywhere she went and people would actually call her and pay her to make stuff for them. No matter how hard anyone tried to duplicate anything she made, it was never ever as good. Yummmm. She was also so talented and an incredible seamstress. She was perfection in everything she put her hands to do. She was the first one to fix anything that was broken or needed repair...if she didn't know how, she figured it out! I don't think there was anything she couldn't do!! When I am told that I'm like my mom, I consider it the highest compliment I could ever receive...she inspires me. She had such a servant's heart. Our love languages are the same....we both thrive on doing things for others, serving them, acts of service, but it is hard to accept it from others in return even though its nice once in awhile. Our love language in return is quality of time...that people, family and friends, would want to just spend time with us and let us serve them! Anyway, I could go on and on....bottom line...my mom was incredible and I miss her terribly. She was the glue that held everyone together. My comfort lies in knowing that one day I will see her again in heaven....she's probably helping get things ready and cooking for the big banquet feast!!! My mom....my hero.

Perfectionism

This subject is quite a source of amusement to most people who know me. I'm such a perfectionist and have been called many names pertaining to that....won't go into all those haha. I'm such a details person and I always strive for things to be done the best possible way but I drive myself crazy in the process because its never perfect and never will be. Frustrating. I know its a personality trait and I've really tried to not let it rule me, but I think so much of it goes back to how I was raised. I was always seeking approval and was pushed to be the best. But I never achieved being the best, at least not in my father's eyes. Nothing was ever good enough no matter how good it was! Here's an example...I was Salutatorian of my graduating class. To most people that is a great academic accomplishment. To my family, it wasn't good enough...I was just 2nd best. All I heard was that I didn't work hard enough and I should have been Valedictorian. I felt like a failure. I have been trying to break those chains that have bound me all these years. Maybe thats why I push so hard on things...but nothing is really ever good enough. I know its a fault. I know I will never be perfect and I am most certainly far far far from it. I recognize that. I mess up alot. I make alot of mistakes. I'm most certainly not perfect. But I thank God for His Grace that covers me and His mercies are new every morning. He is perfect and thats all I need. I'm learning to turn it all over to Him and let Him have all of me including my imperfections. He accepts me. He is my success.

Feelings vs Knowledge

Have you ever felt so all alone that you thought that if you disappeared from the face of the earth no one would notice and no one would care? I have. Alot here lately. And it has led to horrible depths of depression that I know are associated with the pits of hell. How can I feel so completely alone even when I'm in a crowd? What's worse is when I'm at home and I feel totally isolated and that no one really gives a rip. But KNOWLEDGE tells me that I am not alone. My God is with me...He said He would never leave me or forsake me...even when my friends do. I KNOW that if I disappeared, it would be noticed. Probably mostly by my precious son. He's even told me lately that he was worried about me not being around, that he was going to lose me and that he couldn't imagine living without me. That was a wakeup call to me. My son...he's the most precious gift from God and I KNOW that God has a calling and purpose for his life. The enemy has been trying to destroy me, partly to try to destroy my son. I can't let that happen. So I am fighting and standing my ground against the enemy. Some days, yes, I feel as if I am fighting completely alone with no backup, no one is standing with me, but its okay...I'm standing because of my son. This past Sunday nite, he was baptized in water because HE wanted to be. And I'm so proud of him. He tells me he is anxious to know what it is that God is calling him to do...he can't wait. And yes, he is a bit goofy and was bobbing up and down in the water. But it wasn't because he was being disrespectful or trying to be funny, he said he wanted to see the people and that was the only way he could see over the ledge! And then he felt really bad when he thought that maybe he had been perceived as being disrespectful. I love his tender heart. Here's a pic of the 3 of us right before the service and then a picture of Matthew with Pastor Darren after being baptized.