The Music Within

So...lately, I've been searching for the music...I know its still in there somewhere. What do I mean? Well, music has always been a huge part of my life and who I am, especially on the inside. I know I'm not the greatest talent out there by a long shot, but the music God gives you on the inside and what He calls you to do with it is not based on being the best talent out there. He just says, what are you going to do with the talent I gave you? Is it annointed? Are you glorifying my Name with it? Is it worship unto Me?

Most people don't know that I have been singing in church in front of people since I was 3 years old. I remember they used to stand me up on top of the altar so people could see me and put a microphone in front of me and I simply did what came naturally and that was sing. I sang in competitions, in plays, you name it. At age 13 I was chosen to be part of a group of 12 teenagers from around the state and we traveled almost every weekend holding services. I did that until I graduated high school and then I did it in college. I've sung in about every size church from tiny little country churches to the big mega churches all over the country and even at the P.H. church General Convention in front of 10,000+ people. As a teenager, several specific prophecies had been given over me concerning music ministry. My first year in college I majored in music and had some of the best professors and vocal instructors that exist. I began writing music (that was partly because it was required for some of my classes) but then it began coming from within me and I didn't even know it had been there. I played piano and tried to learn to play guitar. After the first year, I changed my major and schools because my dad told me I wasn't good enough and what in the world was I going to do with a music degree, that I had no future. I think thats when the music began to die. I was never good enough. And so my focus shifted and changed. I say all of that to say this...my focus shifted off of what God had instilled in me. The music inside of me came from Him. Its still there...I get glimpses of it once in awhile. Now I am searching for it once again....not because I think of performing or anything, but because its who I am. And if its only to worship Him in private, then thats what I'm going to do. I want to begin playing again but its like starting over. I know the music is still in there and one of these days its going to come out again in the form of new songs...I can feel it...