My heart...

....is too vulnerable. I have to figure out how to not let it get shredded to pieces without becoming so hardened that I no longer know how to love anyone on any level. Here's the thing....I love my friends...I get close to them...I let them in. Makes it easy to get hurt I think.

Daydreaming...

Some days... well most days ok.....I would rather be on a beautiful beach somewhere, toes in the sand, watching the water....listening to the ocean roll onto shore. I love that sound. I am so drawn to that..... makes me wonder why in the world do I live where I do.

Its that time of year....

The last few days....I have felt that mood of depression set in....and I've been fighting it, but it seems that no matter what happens with anyone, it hits me all wrong and I tend to push people away. Alot of it, I think, has to do with this time of year....the anniversary of my mom's death. Its so hard to believe that it's been 12 years already...how can that be possible. I was very close to my mom and after she was gone, it felt like I no longer had any family....I am not really close to anyone else in my family, we don't talk, we don't visit, it feels there is no one. She was the glue that kept us all together. So, anyway....I love you, mom, and I miss you. I find myself crying for no reason...but this happens every year at this time. So if anyone is reading this and wonders why I've been moody lol....this is why. Sometimes I feel all alone, even though I am not...I know that, but my heart and my head do not know that sometimes. I'll be ok...I'm a tough cookie. Just tired of being the strong one sometimes. And yeh...the tears are here.

Rediscovering Blog

Wow, I knew it had been a long time since I've blogged here, but didn't realize HOW LONG! omg I have not visited this site since my last post. Well, it was interesting going back and reading previous posts (alot of which I have deleted). I aired a lot of pain and hurt here and some of those things no longer exist...I have forgiven, been forgiven...moved on...and felt that the pain expressed no longer needed to have a place. I like who I am....I'm not perfect, but I am who I am and I like me. :)

Ok, thats all I'm gonna say for now....those who know me and care....they know where to find me to talk (facebook duh) LOL :D