The last several years I have gone to the lake trails at least 3-4 times a week, doing at least 4-7 miles at a time. This past year, I began running again, something I had not really done in awhile and was soon addicted. It felt great. I set goals of signing up and running as many 5K's as I could and wanted to run the half-marathon in 2012. I knew I could do it and was willing to work hard and train hard in order to accomplish those goals. I wanted to begin cycling as well and was seriously looking into that sport. Then in October, I had a severe foot & ankle injury from doing something really stupid on a bike {oh, if only I could turn back time and have a do-over without the stupidity!!}. The x-rays said nothing was broken, but more than likely all the ligaments and things were a mangled mess. Being self-employed and not having medical insurance, has kept me from going back to the doctor or to a specialist, and I have been and AM trusting God to heal me. Its been 5 months now.....I am in pain every single day and have not been able to find any shoe to wear that I can walk in and is not excruciatingly painful. My sneakers beckon me and I've tried to put them on a few times, but cannot last for long at all. The big black frankenstein boot has been my mate {we have a love/hate relationship now lol} and has helped me walk when I've had to, but am still in pain even in that...it just protects my foot more and is the lesser of the pains if that even makes sense.
I think most people don't realize that this injury has had such a profound effect on me emotionally. I want to be active. I want to go places and do things. I want to run....heck, I want to walk if anything. I find myself depressed even more and yes, having my own pathetic pity parties about how I can't do anything or go anywhere...I can't even walk thru the mall or go shopping for any length of time at all. It has worn out my patience. I have thought, "Ok, God, what are you trying to teach me through all of this?" I am still asking as I cannot seem to find the answer. I am working on projects from my computer and that is good. But I cannot sit here hours on end every single day! My butt will be as big as and the shape of my desk chair soon! I need to get up and do something and it is making me crazy!! haha ok, craziER :) I feel like a big lump of slug. I have my hand weights nearby so I can at least try to exercise parts of me and am looking for other things to do as well. I know I am fortunate and blessed and should not complain, as there are those who are truly dealing with real challenges. They inspire me. And I know I will not be down forever, and i should not complain. I just want to be healed from this...it's been long enough...I want to live life and not feel as if it and everyone else is passing me by. I look forward to the day I can run.
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